Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Yes, I have been slack. It might even be a day or two longer before posting returns to normal.
In the meantime, for your amusement please have a glance at "You Might Be A Gun Nut If.....

Here are a few of my favorites:

You ever seriously thought about dabbing a little Hoppe's #9 on your neck before going out on a date.
You ever bought ammo/reloading dies in a caliber for which you have no gun, because you thought some day you MIGHT get a gun in that caliber.
You bought a barrel of Garand clips for the Garand you're going to buy.
You have ever had your local gun store call your house and ask "We are doing a stock order, did you need anything??"
You've ever slept more than five minutes while lying strapped to your rifle in prone position, waiting for the "commence fire" command.
Your alarm clock actually screams, "Ready on the RIGHT! Ready on the LEFT! Ready on the FIRING LINE! LOAD! COMMENCE FIRE!"
You've ever shot offhand through a thunderstorm while standing in water because the other 150 members of your relay kept going until the targets washed out.
If Federal sends you Christmas cards and the wife flowers on your anniversary.
If Sierra goes on double shifts when you place your order.
Every time you decide to sell leftover parts from your Garand restoration projects, prices at the Gun Show and even at the DCM are affected.
Every year you bug your accountant to run an cost/time savings analysis on the possible purchase of Springfield Museum versus collecting Garand variations one at a time.
Four local gun shops know you by name.
You're friends with 90%-100% of the employee's at every one of those shops.
You own enough guns to arm everyone on your block
You preach how stupid gun laws/bans are at work when you work in a predominately ANTI-gun company.
You list your local FFL dealer as a dependent on your tax return.
If "Miller Time" means plinking at beer cans.
Your wife wants to wear black leather, so you buy her a carry holster.
The smell of 30 year old cosmoline attracts you like perfume.
You keep leaving home with the empty gun case, while telling your wife that you are taking that one gun to be fixed, and returning with a full gun case.
When you have enough guns to take over a small third world country.
You go to a gun show and contemplate buying a particular gun for a half an hour before you remember you already have that one.
You buy a gun that is a duplicate of one you already have because the original one might break someday.
You have to run out to the range this weekend to shoot up some ammo because you need some brass to reload.
You keep a framed picture of John Garand on the mantelpiece.
When your littlest son cheers and yells "DEER MEAT" when Bambi's mother gets shot.
Your car has a bumper sticker that reads "My wife - yes, my car - maybe, my gun - NEVER!"
You buy a gun you know is cheaply made and won't work well out of the box because all the guns you have work too well and you don't have anything to play with.
If Peter Alan Kasler owes you a lunch because you caught him out on an obscure fine point of firearms law.
You get a flat and realize that you've got 400 pounds of shot, a Hefty bag each of wads and empty hulls, and enough primers to re-open the main shaft of the Lost Dutchman on top of your spare tire.
Your gun dealer owes you $500 bucks rather than the other way around.
If the largest gun store in your area calls you if they need something they can't get elsewhere.
If your wife/girlfriend starts using Hoppes No. 9 instead of perfume to get your attention.
(follow up: Truth is stranger than fiction: I have witnessed friends being asked by (attractive) waitresses what kind of cologne they were wearing, because it smelled good. The cologne in question: Hoppes #9.)
follow up: You know, I've been waiting years for Hoppes to make a cologne, and it makes a nice room freshener. : )
You call your local store to tell them where they can get a hard-to-find item, and then they piggyback their small order onto your larger one.
You read that "Brady II" would outlaw possession of more than 1,000 rounds of ammunition and think "I have more than that rolling around loose in the trunk of my car!"
You teenage daughter's next date is introduced to you while your sitting at the loading bench cleaning your M-1.
You buy a .25 Beretta to keep inside your Bible cover, 'cause everybody needs a "hideout church gun".
You buy a used holster at a show for $5.00, and then spend a few hundred on a gun that fits it..
Your teenage daughter's new boyfriend asks, "What are the flags at different places along your driveway for?" and you reply, "Young man, they're range markers."
You're in the army reserves, and they can't figure out why every time they send you out to shoot the M60 with 100 rounds, you return with a shot-out barrel. It never dawns on them you're bringing your own ammo.
If, upon seeing your 1978 wildcatting project (a .375 on a .50 Sharps 3-1/4" case, 3340 FPS with a 300 Sierra boat tail), Elmer Keith says "You're nuts!"

& no, that wasn't all of them. There's 279 total.

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